This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!
Tech  support:
   What kind of computer do you have?
Customer:
   A  white one.
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Tech  support:    Click  on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer:    Your left or my left?

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Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says, ‘Can’t find  printer.’  I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it.

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Tech  support:    What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer:   My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech  support:   Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

Customer:   No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer:   OK!

Tech support:   Did the  keyboard come with you?

Customer:  Yes.

Tech support:   That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

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Customer:   I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech support:    Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer:   Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer:   Five dots.

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Tech  support:    What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer:   Netscape.

Tech support:   That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer:   Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer…

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Customer:     I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support:    How may I help you?

Customer:   I’m writing my first email.

Tech support:    OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer:   Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

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This one and the next are our personal favorites!

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support:   Are you running it under windows?

Customer:   ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

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And last but not least!

Tech  support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program  Manager.’

Customer:   I don’t have a P.

Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:   What do you mean?

Tech support:   ‘P’……on  your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:   I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

 

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